Stinkbug Wars

My Dog Eats Stinkbugs

I’m not certain if this is the answer to the mystery of why this year, for the first time, I am NOT inundated with their evil forces, but I have figured out that my dog is, truly, insane: He eats stinkbugs. Gleefully. Purposefully. He finds a stinkbug, sniffs it, rolls it around with his nose, snatches it up in his mouth, drops it, rolls it around some more, and finally snaps the stinkbug up and actually swallows. Then he looks for another one.

It’s a bit like watching a cat play with a mouse. Revolting yet somehow mesmerizing. And the thing is, I don’t want to discourage him. After all, it’s easier than dealing with smelly stinkbugs on my walls and windows.

Good dog!

October 18, 2011 – 2:27 pm Categories: Everything You Don't Want To Know About Stinkbugs | Comments (2)

The Edge of Victory?

We have been waiting for months with baited breath for the enemy to renew their attack on our outpost. Yesterday we discovered, to our great dismay, that the dreaded stinkbug army has returned. Again, we find screens covered with their evil soldiers. This time, however, the attack is different. They are only actively assaulting one room. And the stinkbug forces are greatly diminished. Is this merely a feint, or have they truly been decimated?

We will re-apply the poison barrier and wait…

Could this really be the end of the stinkbug siege?

September 15, 2011 – 4:14 pm Categories: Everything You Don't Want To Know About Stinkbugs | Comments (3)

They’ll Be Back…

Just when we thought it was safe to go back in the garden, our worst fears have been confirmed. Stinkbugs are predicted to return with a vengeance by early to mid August. Apparently, the adults from earlier this year laid their eggs, died… and now, those timebombs they left behind are starting their slow release of newly hatched stinkbug nymphs. They have been sighted gorging on blackberries, just barely into the adolescent-sized soldier mode… and many more are coming.

Enjoy the respite, fellow warriors – and batten down the hatches. Stinkbugs will be back in full force before we know it. PREPARE YOURSELVES!

July 17, 2011 – 5:47 pm Categories: Everything You Don't Want To Know About Stinkbugs | Comments (2)

Where Have All the Stinkbugs Gone?

Another week… and even fewer stinkbugs. Really?! Can we trust that we have defeated this insidious enemy? Where is the “plague of biblical proportions” we were warned of?

Last year at this time, they were everywhere. Survival meant launching daily counterattacks against their dive-bombing, slithering, buzzing and intruding into hair, food, drinks, toiletries, closets, clothes… EVERYWHERE. Hours were spent spraying stinkbugs and killing stinkbugs and cleaning stinkbug carcasses, and by the time we finished, fresh enemy forces had already gathered.

But now… nothing. Patrols last mere minutes to simply sweep up a few random bodies. The new weapon of choice, a bottle filled with alcohol and eucalyptus oil, is only picked up briefly to spray a random stinkbug intruder or two. They are seemingly gone. GONE. As in there are no more. Visitors ask after them.

“Where have all the stinkbugs gone?”

I have no idea.

Of course, I have theories. Perhaps the stinkbug invaders found that we were too much effort to conquer, and so they have packed up their evil soldiers and are headed off to terrorize the next planet. Perhaps they contracted some sort of illness that we had not considered – much like in War of the Worlds – and are simply dying off as a result. Perhaps our efforts put enough of a dent in their breeding cycle – by killing them before they could breed – that they are not able to reproduce at the same shocking rate.

And perhaps, they are simply waiting…

July 5, 2011 – 2:46 pm Categories: Everything You Don't Want To Know About Stinkbugs | Comments (11)

Stinkbug Trick?

Lately, I’ve been facing only a handful of stinkbugs a day. My morning patrol sweeps up only ten or twenty, instead of the previous hundreds. I should be rejoicing in my victory. Instead – I’m afraid.

Despite the multi-pronged attack I have been launching, I find it hard to believe that it could possibly be this easy to defeat this dreaded enemy. Are the stinkbugs really gone? Or are they just lying in wait, biding their time until I am lulled into a false sense of security? Perhaps the stinkbugs are secretly breeding and training their soldiers so that when I have lost my defensive edge, they can launch their final attack.

Just in case they ARE actually on the run, however, I will share the approach that, for the time being, seems to actually be working against them.

Regular bimonthly spraying of Home Defense on the outside perimeter, with special focus on doors and windows through which stinkbugs love to slither.
Daily sweeps of stinkbug carcasses from floors and window sills.
Deployment of the dreaded Tower of Death whenever they are active and flying at night.
Regular mopping and wall and windowsill cleaning of the dreaded stinkbug trail. It’s important to remove all sign of those yucky brown drops which contain the stinkbug scent and lure their fellows to join them in your happy home.
Spraying along the inside of all doors and windows with a mixture of alcohol and either mint extract or eucalyptus oil. This smells nice and actually seems to repel them.
Continued vigilance. We must NEVER relax our guard against these evil enemy invaders!

June 28, 2011 – 1:15 pm Categories: Everything You Don't Want To Know About Stinkbugs | Comments (7)

Stinkbug Song Hit!

Last night, Iris Hirsch debuted her new hit song “Stinkbug Wars,” inspired by this very blog and written with some small assistance from yours truly. To hear the song, click here: Stinkbug Wars sung by Iris Hirsch.

Stinkbug Wars

They’re lurking in the corner
Flying fearless in the night
A single silent soldier
Or an army poised to fight

No enemy can stop them
Their vast numbers conquer all
Wearing shields of odor
That will lead to our downfall

CHORUS
Stinkbugs, stinkbugs
An alien army invades
Stinkbugs, stinkbugs
Laughing in the face of Raid
Of all of China’s treasures
Why did these reach our shores?
We need to find a weapon
That can stop these Stinkbug Wars

Sleeping in the winter
Attacking in the spring
Buzzing fiercely with delight
At the anguish that they bring

They want light and they want warmth
Taking over is their goal
Can nothing stop the march
Of their noxious little souls?

No poisons, potions, pistols
No Birds, no bugs, no beasts
Can rid us of these putrid pests
Are we heading for defeat?

Our homes become their playgrounds
Our garden’s a tasty treat
When we squash them they smell like
Rotten eggs and dirty feet

Flush them down the toilet
Whack them with a bat
Vacuum, Taser, torture them
A good stinkbug is flat!

June 14, 2011 – 2:42 pm Categories: Everything You Don't Want To Know About Stinkbugs | Comments (1)

Dead Stinkbug Soldiers

This morning the fruit of recent spraying sorties was finally reaped; dead stinkbug soldiers littered the windowsills and floor. The enemy has, however re-ammassed in daunting numbers despite their losses. Luckily, reinforcements have arrived… with heavy artillery. A Shop-Vac sortie against the dreaded Stink Bug Horde was launched and completed successfully. Now to wait…

Dead stinkbug bodies killed by spraying poison.

Dead Stinkbug Warriors Litter the Field

June 13, 2011 – 6:54 pm Categories: Everything You Don't Want To Know About Stinkbugs | Post a comment

Stinkbug Products Rock!

I am so excited! I just got a goody box from Daniel Murphy at www.StinkyBug.com filled with cool stinkbug products.

Stinkbug humor adorns notepads and coasters.

Clearly, these products show the humorous side of the war against Stinkbugs!

I’ve also launched the latest weapon against stinkbugs from Strube’s Stinkbug Traps. It works great and is much more user-friendly than the original version.

Latest Tabletop Stinkbug Trap Kills!

And, I am finally trying out my Dead Inn Stinkbug Trap. So far, it hasn’t caught many, but I’m patient…

Dead Inn Stink Bug Trap Deployed on Deck

June 11, 2011 – 4:26 pm Categories: Everything You Don't Want To Know About Stinkbugs | Comments (1)

Front Line, Stink Bug Wars

The ongoing siege has demoralized the troops, and even the fearless feline footsoldiers will no longer engage the enemy. After trying to ignore their screen-coating tactics, slithering entry into all rooms and occasional dive-bombing, I was finally forced to fortify myself with vino last night and engage in a hunt and capture mission. My hands still stink, despite the protective tissue I used…

Unfortunately, my efforts will be for naught unless I resort yet again to chemical warfare. Time to don plastic gloves for Stage II of the counter attack…

Wish me luck, my fellow stinkbug warriors!

June 7, 2011 – 12:24 pm Categories: Everything You Don't Want To Know About Stinkbugs | Post a comment

Stinkbug Trail of Destruction

I recently noticed myriad brown drops around my home. They were on the floor, on furniture, even on the wall. I knew immediately that they HAD to come from the enemy. Who else would defile my home? My first thought was that the glue from the Tower of Death was dripping from them, as it had all slipped down to pool at the bottom of the trap.(NOTE: I just deployed the newest version of Strube’s Stinkbug Traps and it seems to be far better designed! I’ll report back on it’s success.)

So, I cleaned up the annoying spots. Luckily, a solution of Murphy’s Oil Soap and a little elbow grease were a successful combination. I also threw out the trap, as it seemed to have outlived it’s usefulness. I thought the issue was resolved. Another small victory for me in my ongoing war against the enemy stinkbug…

But no. Now I see more brown spots appearing throughout my home. Time for research. And there was very little to be found. Nothing from the experts, but from others who are on the frontlines of this battle against the stinkbug fiends, I found similar reports:

“It is important to remove the brown “trail” left behind from the Stink Bug. This “trail” is what attracts other Stink Bugs into your home. Look carefully as it looks like a small, brown, drop of blood, or a brown “drip” running down your wall or window/door frame.” Aha!

So, the evil enemy has yet another way to torment me. Big surprise. Their malevolence is boundless… DEATH TO STINKBUGS!!